Absolute emotion analysis
When I entered the elevator, I saw a family of three.
Cute little girl, two or three years old.
I went in and stood inside, and the little girl moved quickly behind her mother.
I said to the little girl, “Hello, how old are you?
“She pressed her face tightly to her mother’s lap without saying a word.
Mother looked down at her daughter and said, “Don’t be embarrassed, tell your aunt how old you are.
“My daughter is hiding deeper.
My mother said with a little regret: “She’s so generous and a little timid.
“The father next to me also said,” Come out and talk to your aunt!
“Until they left, the little girl didn’t speak.
What the little girl showed was suspicion and alertness to external objects.
Keeping a distance from strange objects and being close to the mother is her main way to protect herself from unforeseen injuries.
This emotion is the opposite of the usual positive emotions of joy, happiness, joy, excitement, etc.
Positive emotions lead us closer to the objects that bring us positive emotions.
Negative emotions, some sadness, pain, sorrow, anger, nervousness, etc., guide us away from the objects that bring us such emotions, or help our body prepare for possible injuries.
From a biological perspective, positive emotions help us get closer to resources that are good for our survival, such as mom and dad, good food, toys.
Negative emotions help us stay away from danger, certain strangers, hot food, darkness, etc.
Therefore, positive emotions are conducive to our development, while negative emotions ensure our survival.
Ten years ago, my German teacher, Professor Simon, demonstrated psychotherapy at the teaching site.
A parent asked him for help in anxiety: “Our 7-year-old daughter is afraid of darkness and refuses to stay in the room herself. What should I do?
The teacher ‘s answer completely subverted my idea: “Your daughter is very sensitive and she knows how to protect herself.
Then he raised his thumb and said to the girl, “You are great!”
“The nervous little girl who was originally crouched on the sofa immediately became clear. At the end of the treatment, she was very happy.
I guess it was because someone finally helped her parents understand her better.
What Simon demonstrated was “protecting our negative emotions.”
The parents in the elevator, and what we usually do, are exactly the opposite.
We often criticize, suppress, deny, blame, and even scold children who show negative emotions.
In fact, the mother did a very good job in the first year after the child was born.
When a child is crying, the mother is not stopping the child from crying, or checking whether the child is hungry, cold, peeing, or injured.
After all the doubts have been ruled out, if the child still cries, the mother will send the child to the hospital-negative emotions remind us that people are in a bad state or very uncomfortable with the environment at the time.
What we need to solve is not to restrain or suppress emotions, or to remove unfavorable factors in the environment, or to actively adjust ourselves to better adapt to the environment.
Unfortunately, when children grow up, we often simply and “rudely” prevent these protective negative emotions.
Take good care of our negative emotions, it will protect us and our offspring from danger.
The mother in the elevator, after discovering the child’s evasive behavior, could immediately pick up the child and give her a direct sense of security, telling the child: “I know, you don’t know this aunt, so I’m a little scared.
“Then communicate the situation of the child to the other party.
When the child observes that the mother can easily and happily communicate with this “stranger”, she slowly relaxes.
After going through a “situational security assessment”, the child may dare to try to approach a stranger.
Of course, if the child has always shown strong negative emotions and is difficult to calm down for a long time, please don’t blame him / her! The best way is to take your child to an experienced psychologist as soon as possible.